How Instant Messaging Shapes Modern Dating Communication Styles

Modern dating communication is, perhaps regrettably, being shaped by delayed and one-word answers, ghosting, emojis, double-texting, seen, sharing media, and more. In 2024, dating apps are still the primary tool for meeting a partner, with nearly 45% of respondents in a survey by Forbes Health reporting that they met someone on an app. Other common meeting places include through friends (33%), festivals or concerts (32%), and social media (27%).

While people still meet at bars, they’re one of the least common places to meet partners today—only about 20% of people reported meeting someone to date at a bar. Grocery stores accounted for just 10%. These statistics reflect the dominance of digital communication, especially through dating apps, and how it continues to shape the ways people meet and interact.

Common Ways of Communicating via IM

With dating apps here to stay, let’s explore how they’ve reshaped communication in dating:

Delayed and One-Word Responses

We all love it when someone responds quickly, showing interest and engagement in the conversation. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. Delayed responses are often more common, signaling either busyness or disinterest. Some people intentionally delay responses to control the conversation's pace or avoid appearing too eager.

One-word answers like "Okay," "Sure," or "Cool" typically indicate a lack of enthusiasm or suggest that the conversation is coming to a close. These responses can be frustrating for someone seeking a deeper connection, as they lack the emotional engagement required to keep a meaningful conversation going.

On that note, everyone knows about people ghosting you. Respondents in a 2023 survey reported they were ghosted most often before the first date, but some did so after meeting in person. About 25% were ghosted after the first or second date, and 10% were ghosted even after a few months of dating. Ghosting creates uncertainty and confusion, often leaving the other person questioning what went wrong without any closure.

Emojis Add Light-heartedness to Conversation

The use of emojis and GIFs helps lighten the mood and adds a playful tone to the conversation. Reactions like "hearts" or "laughing faces" make communication less formal and help convey emotions more clearly. Younger generations, particularly Gen Z, often rely on emojis to express feelings that may be difficult to convey through words.

Emojis also help bridge the gap in tone and context, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings in text-based conversations. A well-placed emoji can soften a message or bring clarity to a sarcastic remark, making them an important part of modern IM communication.

Double-texting Creates a Sense of Urgency

Double-texting—sending a follow-up message before receiving a reply—emphasizes urgency. Whether someone is trying to ensure their message was seen or wants to keep the conversation going, double-texting often signals a desire for immediate attention. While some see it as a sign of eagerness, others might view it as impatience.

The Dreaded "Seen" Message

Seeing someone read your message without replying can be anxiety-inducing. It leaves the recipient wondering if the sender is uninterested, playing hard to get, or simply too busy to reply. The psychological impact of the "seen" message is significant, often leading to overthinking and insecurities about the relationship's future.

What Do Voice Notes Convey?

Voice notes have become increasingly popular as a way to communicate more personally and efficiently. Rather than typing out long messages, people send voice notes to quickly convey thoughts, emotions, or details. This method adds a personal touch to conversations and may signal that the sender values authenticity. For some, voice notes are a way to feel more connected without the formality of a phone call or video chat.

Sharing Media: Steering Conversations with Intent

Sharing media like images, videos, articles, or music often serves as a way to shift the conversation or establish common interests. By sending relevant content, someone may be signaling their interests, hoping to deepen the connection by discovering shared tastes.

Communicating Beyond Instant Messages

Once you’ve moved beyond instant messaging and into a deeper relationship, the question arises: When is the right time to express love? According to the Forbes poll, 30% of people recommend waiting at least four months before confessing love, while 21% suggest one to three months. Interestingly, the majority of 18-to-26-year-olds favor confessing love earlier, within one to three months, compared to older generations who prefer waiting four to six months. 

This suggests that younger generations, who are more accustomed to fast-paced digital interactions, are more comfortable with expressing emotions earlier in the relationship, while older individuals may prioritize building a stronger foundation before making such declarations.

Final Thoughts

Instant messaging has undeniably shaped how we communicate in modern dating, from double-texting to the anxiety of unread messages. While digital habits can sometimes complicate relationships, success in modern dating ultimately hinges on clarity, emotional intelligence, and understanding each other’s communication preferences. Beyond emojis and voice notes, it’s essential to focus on real connections and honest communication to build lasting relationships, both online and offline.